Authenticity

“Authenticity is the new apologetic.” I heard this quote from James Thomas Talbot, one of the brothers and pastors at our church, Citizen’s Akron. But this isn’t about church. This is about the quote; about the statement; about the truth portrayed in it. I’ve been seeing this and stewing on it for some time. I’m watching the reality of it unfold more and more.

“Apologetic” is about one’s ability to defend, justify, appropriately argue a belief, belief system, theory or religious doctrine; systematic argumentation and discourse.

But people are tired of words. I’m tired of words (as I type words). Actions and realities are the best defense. People and groups can sniff out a lie quickly these days. So many words, so little fruit. So many words, so many incongruencies.

Authenticity, the visible reality of the manifestations and consequences around our life, this is the new apologetic. Our life, the fruit of the life, what we do, how we act, these are the defenses. “Show me don’t tell me.” It’s not easy to argue against a life well lived, or against specific results surrounding our life. It isn’t about what we say, it’s about what we do.

Our actions, which flow from our identity, should support our words which support our thoughts. What’s visible on the outside of our life is a result of our choices, behaviors, thoughts. Rather than speaking and expecting people to believe us, we should be doing.

We may as well choose authenticity. We aren’t fooling anyone forever if we are saying one thing and doing another. The person that is typically most deceived in that way is ourselves, but that’s another topic for another day.

Authenticity is the new apologetic. In business, in spirituality, in life, in relationships. Thanks James.

That Look

His eyes are often closed. He enjoys his sleep, and needs much of it with all his body is going through. When he opens those eyes, it’s such a pleasure to see.

Yesterday evening he opened them for an extended time when I held him. He didn’t really look me directly in the eye as it might have just been too much stimulation, but that’s alright, it was great to see his eyes as I held him.

After a while I handed him back to his mother to hold. His eyes were still open, wide open, and what a sight it was. As he laid in her lap, looking up, his eyes locked onto hers. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It was the first time I had seen his eyes that open, that intense, for 2 1/2 weeks. I couldn’t take my own eyes off of the sight. He just stared into her eyes, without wavering, looking as if into a deep well. The connection was moving to me. The little boy, staring into his mama’s eyes; the look of love; the look of connection; processing of mystery and spiritual connection; a look that could not be duplicated, defined, analyzed, or measured. It’s the deep look of human to human connection. Consciousness recognized; something that could not be articulated; it was just a look. A long look.

I am referring to my 2 1/2 week-old grandson. He’s beautiful. He sleeps a lot. But when he opens his eyes it’s a sight to behold.

The look of love; a 2-week old son to a mother, and a mother to her son. They’ve been together for 42.5 weeks, not 2.5. He knows her, she knows him. He can’t talk about it yet, and if he could, it would still be tough to define. Not much needs to be said. Just a look. Soul. Spirit. Love.

The eyes tell it.

Coach

I have a personal coach; you know, a life coach. He helps me with life and business things. Part of this is because life and business is all mixed up together when you found and own a business or businesses. It’s hard to sort out sometimes, at least for me.

Part of this is because I need a voice other than mine to listen to. I get plenty of other inputs, but it’s not the same as that 1-1 meeting with a trained coach and counselor. There’s skin in that game; paying someone to provide accountability, tools, and inputs to help advance. My coach is the best of both – a trained counselor and a committed coach; a business owner himself and one who has been coached.

Part of this is because I also know that the best athletes, musicians, actors, vocalists, and business leaders, typically have coaches; often multiple ones. Who am I to think that I can thrive the best without someone pushing me to my peak?

It’s party because I tried the counseling route as well. I wasn’t quite ready for that. It helped expose some things for sure, but that counselor said he thought I might be better off with this other counselor-coach who helped business owners and guys like me. He was right

Part of it is because I have ADD, even though I never knew it. I typically manifest that in one of two ways. One is a short attention span and moving to and from many things, which can create familial and organizational “head turns” (like, “what’s he doing now?”). The other is “hyper-focus” where I can grind at depth to great detail on certain tasks or directions. It produces a high ROI but can lead to burnout or losing sight of priorities.

Part of it is because people depend on me and I want to be a good leader, a good steward, steady, growing, setting a good example. No one has all the answers individually.

Part of it is that with some problems involving relationships, emotional IQ, people skills, the “grey areas,” it really helps to have perspective from someone that can look in from outside and provide inputs.

There’s a lot of “parts of it.” Those parts help define the whole. I highly recommend a coach to you if you’re reading, and if you can afford one. If you can’t, look for alternatives like reading programs, business groups, peer to peer groups, and the like.

Oh yeah, and my partner and I have a board or directors/advisors as well. That’s a big help too, but that’s another story for another blog.

It takes a village…..